Silence Is All You Know
by AMysteriousWoman711
Summary: One moment can change everything. And then, silence will fall... Christmas Special AU. (Helps to listen to "Abigail's Song" while you read this...though, it's entirely optional.) Definitely Whouffle oriented. But very, very sad. You have been warned.


**Silence Is All You Know**

Summary: **Ever since 11 was born, he had been told of the Silence. And now, the moment has come at last...the moment where everything changes. And in that moment, it's just the TARDIS, Clara, the Doctor, the cold snow...& the Silence. Silence has fallen on Christmas Eve...the Doctor's silence. *SPOILERS* for the Christmas Special, so read at your own risk! That being said, most of us know what's coming...11 is going to die...whether we like it or not. In a way, this connects to my abandoned story, "Christmas With Clara" (for which I apologize to all my followers), as this is the ending to that story that I was originally too sad to write, but this can stand on its own as a One-Shot. Slightly AU, of course, as the following events are how I believe things should occur for them. So, yes, have some tissues handy...and brace yourselves. This will be very, very sad. Rated T. Drama/Tragedy. 11/Clara pairing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the brilliant people that are in it or work on it. No offense meant. Please don't sue me.**

**And now...I present to you...the end of 11's story. But first, a song to set the mood:**

_When you're alone, silence is all you see_

_When you're alone, silence is all you'll be_

_Give me your hand and come to me._

_When you are here, music is all around._

_When you are near, music is all around._

_Open your eyes, don't make a sound._

_Let in the shadow, let in the shadow,_

_Let in the light of your bright shadow._

_Let in the shadow, let in the shadow._

_Let in the light of your bright shadow._

_When you're alone, silence is all you see..._

_-Abigail's Song, from "A Christmas Carol"_

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Prologue:

"Did you really expect the Silence to just...leave you alone? After what you did to them...to their cause? Doctor...they are still out there, waiting for you. Waiting for you to make a mistake."

He waved her off with his hand, dismissing it. "Ha! The silence...I've heard enough of the silence to last me the rest of my life...haven't seen them in years...besides, I'm not altering course. I have to see...I have to. Don't worry. I'll be careful."

"Doctor! Listen to me! The Silence will haunt your every steps, your every move. And they will continue to do so, chasing you across the universe...until..."

"Until...what!?" he growled.

"Don't make me say it, Doctor...please..." she begged him.

"Tell me!" he shouted at her, his fury flaming up at last.

"Until you...and everyone you ever knew or loved is...dead."

There was a large, loud zap. Clara heard it quite clearly above everything else. And she saw it. Right in front of her, a few yards from where she was. A bright, electric blue bolt of lightening surged out of its hands and struck his body just as he turned around. And then...nothing.

Silence. Absolute. Lingering. Suspended. Extremely tense and incredibly tangible.

No one breathed. All noise ceased to be. Time itself seemed to stop. Nothing and no one else mattered.

For Clara's entire world seemed to shrink inexplicably down into one single moment. A moment of truth. A moment of do or die. A moment that she would remember for the rest of her human life.

And as the world and everyone in it faded away into nothingness behind her and around her, she had eyes for only one person, just one man. The most important man in the universe. And to her, the only man aside from her father, that she had ever truly cared about...a man that she would do anything for...a man she loved.

The Doctor.

And right at this moment, it was becoming painfully obvious that he was hurt. That something had gone very badly wrong in his plan...

They had been fighting the Silence as well as other monsters for the last 10 minutes, and between the Doctor, Clara, and a few hundred of the townsfolk, they had almost been defeated...there were countless bodies all over the place, half covered in falling snow...the whole town had become a battle-field...and from the looks of it now, a burial ground...

When, out of the fog, one had risen, unseen by anyone else...or the Doctor, as he was quite preoccupied at the time, pointing his sonic at the other monsters and trying to create a safe perimeter between him and his companion, when the creature stood up slowly...and pointed his large fingers at the unknowing Time Lord as it charged up its powers...

Clara was hiding behind an over-turned carriage, not because she wanted to, but because the Doctor had insisted upon it rather forcefully, wouldn't take no for an answer, actually...and she was peeking out every so often to monitor both his stance and the situation at hand...and internally fighting with herself on whether she should join him...whether he looked like he needed help or not.

She had just decided to ignore his orders and help him when it happened. Still, she was several feet away from where the Doctor was standing...barely able to make out his figure due to the snow and fog...but when she heard it, it seemed as if her eyes zeroed in on every detail of his silhouette as he staggered back a bit, every wrinkle of his clothing as his form crumpled to his knees, and she could swear that she she saw the tears roll own his cheeks on his startled face as his head fell backwards, following the rest of his body, in what seemed like slow motion, onto the soft snowbank.

And there he stayed...

And it was in that moment, as Clara's eyes widened in shock, mouth hanging slightly open in alarm & fear, heart skipping several beats, that she was certain she had never felt so utterly terrified in her entire life.

Because...here it was at last...the very moment that she had been dreading ever since the very beginning...ever since that day he had shown up out of the blue, knocking on her door, dressed as a monk. Ever since she had sat on the stairs of the Maitland's home, clasping her mother's book, "101 Places To See" tightly to her chest, wondering what to do...whether she could trust this madman, whether she should go with him or not...wondering what this decision could ultimately mean for her future...for both of their futures...and where this might lead to...

Well, it had led them everywhere & everywhen, to strange creatures & to strange far-off places, just as he had promised...doing things she had never imagined she would do in a million years...

It had led them on a journey...across time & space, and even into the secret rooms & realms of the TARDIS herself where she learned his real name; it had brought them together in Victorian London, an impossible blue box on an impossible cloud in the sky; it led them on a ghost hunt in an old creepy house & then into a different dimension; it had landed them in the midst of a cold war on a submarine; and then, to solve a gruesome mystery of Mrs. Sweet & "The Crimson Horror". It had forced them into a stand-off with a massive soul-eating planet where memories were currency; it had brought them to Hedgewick's World of Wonders where she had turned down a marriage proposal to an emperor; it had allowed for her to not only meet 2 other versions of the Doctor, but managed to save his home planet at the same time; and finally...to Tranzalore, the Doctor's final resting place, the first time, where she jumped into his time-stream to save all eleven versions of him, only to have him jump into it to save her...and more importantly, that decision had allowed them to grow closer than ever before, where just the very sight of one made the others' face light up in a brilliant, ear-to-ear grin as they hugged, high-fived, or simply stared at one another, reading each others' eyes so well...not a word needed to be spoken.

They had come so far...in so short a time, only to wind up in this strange, horrible place a second time...forcing her to witness him dying once **again**.

'But no...no, this can't be happening', she thought to herself in a panic, 'this can't be it, he **can't** be dying...Not **my** Doctor. Not today...and not now...not before I didn't get a chance to tell him properly...that I...that I...love...him. **This** him.'

The frozen moment passed by...and time caught up with her then as she immediately ran out into the snow, heedless of any danger. She **needed** to get to him in time...she **needed** to get his body to safety before...before something or someone else got to him first...before...he...

"Clara, wait!" came a shout to her left, so she turned her head briefly to see who it was. It was one of the townsfolk who had helped them. They were pointing at the Silence that still lived...and when she saw it, her fury boiled over. She picked up a small revolver that someone else had dropped in the snow, and leveled it at the creature, hands shaking a bit, eyes glued to its face, daring it to move as she stepped closer to its body.

Her hands trembled with barely restrained anger as she squeezed down on the trigger, but she couldn't quite bring herself to fire...her head filling with memories of aiming a space blaster gun at the Cybermen...she hadn't hesitated then...so why was it so hard to shoot now? But then...she knew why...the Doctor hated guns. Despised them. 'It was a coward's weapon', he had said once to her, after what happened with the Cybers, when she asked him if he had ever fired a gun. 'I never will...and I hope I never do. There is always another way, Clara. Remember that. Always.' Then he had made her promise him to never shoot any kind of weapon again while she was traveling with him. She could never break her promise to him, even if this creature is the reason he lay dying...but what to do?

If she didn't shoot it now, it might have time to re-charge its battery, zapping & killing her as well. But she wanted to kill it...she wanted revenge. But if she did, she would have to live with the guilt...the burden of murder. 'And that's a very heavy burden to bare, Clara...' the Doctor's voice murmured in her head, 'and trust me...you know, Clara...because you've seen it in me. You kept me from making that mistake...and I don't ever want to see you struggling with that same problem. Not ever.' Tears fell freely from her cheeks and continued to fall as the memories of him kept coming back to haunt her now. The gun wavered in her hand as a result. She was relenting...and the creature could see it.

This was the do or die moment. Kill or be killed. Vengeance or mercy?

The Silent stared at her...slowly building up to full power...

Luckily, Clara was ultimately spared from that burden. A villager behind her still had some bullets left and shot it, just as she was warring with her thoughts.

She dropped the gun, tears flowing freely, she dropped to her knees. Someone else, probably the villager who had shot it, came over to her and picked up the gun, holstered it, and offered her his hand to help her up. "Come on,' he said softly, comfortingly, hand coming around her shoulders and leading her back toward where the Doctor was still laying on the snow...

A crowd of survivors had formed a small half-circle around him, some crying, some looking on with knowing, sombre faces, but they parted politely as Clara walked up to them...stopping right in front of the Doctor's feet. Clara noticed that someone had put a blanket under his head so that it was propped up...and to her great surprise, she saw that he was actually conscious and talking...well, more whispering...though, clearly it hurt him to do so...as he was cringing every so often and his breaths came out as wheezing...like it was hard for him to breathe. His clothes were charred in patches of burnt brown and his arms and face were singed and he smelled like a fire-pit and a car battery mixed in one.

But when he saw that she was there, before him, his green eyes lit up, and he smiled up at her.

"Clara!" he cried as he tried to raise his right hand, beckoning her forward to him and she immediately grabbed his hand and intertwined it with her own as she knelt next to his face, her other hand wiping the fringe of his hair out of his eyes.

He was crying slightly...he brought their entwined hands towards his mouth and placed a soft, lingering kiss on her knuckles. "Clara...I'm so sorry...I shouldn't have...brought you...here...", he began, but she shushed him.

"Doctor...it's OK. I'm here. You're gonna be OK. Everything will be fine." She gave him her best, bravest smile, hoping for all the world that it would, in fact, be OK. She couldn't lose him now...another tear rolled down & landed on his vest.

He motioned with his head in the negative and spoke again, this time, in halted breaths. "Clara...no...I have to...I need...to get...inside...the TARDIS. Please...help me...I need to-...change...can't...be out...here...must...get...back...please, Clara...help me...up."

No sense in arguing with him. He has half-way up already, propping up one elbow shakily, in an effort to sit up...but his weakened condition, he couldn't quite manage it, so she wrapped an arm around his shoulders and helped him to stand up, allowing him to place his weight on her.

Just as they were about to go, the man who had shot the Silent came over to Clara, and said seriously, "Don't know what that thing did to him...but he's hurt pretty bad...that's a helluva wound...ain't got much time...let us help. After all, he saved our world...least we could do is see that he's comfortable before..." the man didn't finish his sentence. Didn't need to. Clara knew exactly what he meant.

Clara sighed. He was just trying to be kind, after all. But she was pretty sure there was nothing anyone on this world could do for him...or her, for that matter. "Th-thank you. But...but what he needs right now...what I need to do...is to get him back to his-*our*-ship."

As the townsfolk look looked on, bidding them farewell, they shuffled through the snow like that, him leaning on her, sort of trudging their way towards the TARDIS. So far, he hadn't said a word. He only winced & groaned every time he took a step...but as they reached the doors, his weight seemed to shift, and he seemed to be growing heavier...

Panic and adrenaline were really the only things keeping Clara up...but at some point, she knew she had to put him down...he was just too heavy. She glanced up at his face every now & then...checking to make sure he was still awake and breathing. That last time, though, as she was about to click the doors open with her fingers, his eyes closed and his head & chin lolled to one side, and then his whole body collapsed to the ground.

"Doctor! Doctor! Wake up! Oh please...come on...you can't do this now! Please, Chin Boy...please wake up..." Clara cradled his head in one hand and brought the other to his chest, feeling and listening for that familiar double-beat...and finding only one heart-beat...still, it was steady...that meant he was still alive...though, maybe not for long...they didn't have much time...she knelt down, put her ear to his lips...good, still breathing...

"Doctor...please! I don't know what to do...I can't...I can't lose you...you have to help me...please wake up...I don't know what to do to help you...so WAKE UP!" She shouted that in his ear...willing him to wake up...to move...to speak...to do ANYTHING...'God, I feel so helpless! I'm supposed to be the girl who saves him...I was born to save him...but I can't...' she though hopelessly as she stared down at his features...'He's so pale...oh god...please, Doctor...you can't leave me here alone like this...not now...' More tears fell...and for a little while, she cradled him to her, rocking him softly...when he still didn't respond, she put her hand over his body and cried freely into his chest.

"Clara...?"

She froze, still clutching him to her, uncertain of the sound.

"Clara...my Clara...I'm still here." Even though she couldn't see his face, she could tell he was smiling at her. She lifted her head off his chest, came into contact with his eyes, who were shining up at her through heavily lids, and blinked a few times...unsure... "Doc-...Doctor...?" She breathed out his name like a prayer...and slowly, her lips crept into a smile. "You're...you're...alive?"

"Yes..." he coughed out... "At least I am...for a few more moments, Clara. Which is why..." he coughed again...took in a deep, wheezy shuddering breath. "Which is why...I need...I need to tell you something..." Another cough. "...before I...go."

She was beyond ecstatic when he had looked up at her again and when he started talking, tears falling down out of sheer happiness & joy, but as he went on, her smile faltered, then re-formed into a frown.

"What...what, Doctor? What did you need to tell me?"

He had closed his eyes meanwhile, obviously his strength was failing...breathed in a few more shuddering breaths, and opened them again. He grasped her hand in his and squeezed it. "Clara...my Clara...my impossible girl...I shall miss seeing you with these eyes...I'm so, so happy that I met you. I was...so alone...on top of that big cloud...and then you...you made me better." He paused...took another breath, then continued, "You are beautiful, Clara...have I ever told you that? Hmm...no, probably not, now I think about it...but I should have. So many times...and how clever you are...always so clever, and brave...always so brave...how could I resist?" smiled warmly at her, a few stray tears spilling from his eyes, those eyes that held so much in them...and right now, they were filled with affection...and love...and longing...for her. "And all this time...traveling with you...I told myself that I couldn't...fall for you...but, truth is Clara...I have."

She couldn't help it now. The trick had long since worn off. She was done pretending now. She was done trying to hide her feelings from him. It was time. Time to show him how much she cared. How much she respected, admired him. Time for her to show him just how much she actually fancied his chin & bow-ties and everything else she loved about this him...how much she loved him.

"Oh Chin Boy...flattery will get you everywhere." she teased him lightly. "The truth is, Doctor...as much as I...tried to...I couldn't resist you or or snog box either...and I'm so glad I didn't." She then brought both of her hands to cradle his face and leaned down to kiss him on **his** temple for once. "And you wanna know something else?" she whispered conspiratorially into his ears, then leaned back to gaze into his eyes once more... "I still can't. My trick didn't work. I still fell for you, too."

His reaction was instantaneous. He grabbed the back of her head to pull her closer to him and she leaned in, too...their lips meeting somewhere in the middle.

The kiss was chaste and soft at first, then grew into something more needy, more passionate as they both realized that this could their last moment together. Neither wanted it to end and neither wanted to pull away. They clung to each other like that, testing the waters, tasting each other...and fueling the fire that both had been denying existed between them for months...they were pouring every emotion they could into it...and it still didn't seem like enough...

But then the Doctor grimaced and had to break the kiss. Suddenly, he was in utter agony...bolts of pain shooting through his entire body. He tried to stifle a yell, but couldn't. His whole body spasmed & shook. And his hand...it was glowing faintly...

Clara immediately backed away from him, concerned & frightened for both his safety & if she was being honest, hers as well. But part of her knew what was going on...she just didn't want it to. Not yet...not yet...it wasn't enough time. She wanted-no, needed-more time with him...

"What..? Is it..? Doctor...it's happening again, isn't it? You're changing again...aren't you?"

"Yes...I am. Clara...you need to get me in the TARDIS. Quickly. And I'm sorry, Clara...but...I need you to stay out here...while I..." He gulped. "Change..."

"No...uh-huh. That is not an option. Never gonna happen, Chin. It'll be OK. I'll be OK...please...I don't want you to be alone in there..."

"No arguments, Clara. You'll get hurt...please just help me up. I need to do this alone. I couldn't bear it if...if my change hurt you. I'd never forgive myself. Please, Clara..."

"Okay..." she answered quietly. She helped him stand, and he grabbed the TARDIS door handle to steady himself. The glow was getting stronger by the second and it had spread to both his hands now...

He pushed the door open and once inside, slumped against the railing, almost falling, but Clara was right there, catching him and put her arm around his waist.

"Can you...can you make it...?" she asked him. "Yes...I think so." he answered.

They faced each other once more...openly regarding each other with big, shy smiles and drinking in each others' features, as if memorizing each detail. She couldn't believe that she would never see that big chin, that floppy hair, his childish grin, or the lips that she had kissed ever again...

While still gripping the railing with his rand hand, he placed his left on her cheek reverently. "Oh Clara...I wish...I wish we had more time...but when he-I—the new me...gets here...I need you to be strong and brave and clever again...he will need you more than ever..."

"I know...I know he will. He won't be you, though. That's the problem. I fell in love with you, not him." She blushed at her own admission, and he gulped a bit, then crushed her to him in a tight hug. She wound her arms around him, crying into his chest and he buried his head in her hair & neck, closing his eyes.

"I know...I know, Clara." he whispered in her ear, "I always knew. You will always be my Clara...my souffle girl...the girl who saves me. And you did. And you will. Stay with me, Clara...please stay with me. I know you will leave eventually...but, if you can just promise me that you will stay with him, no matter what he's like, at least, for a little while. Because, Clara..." and he pulled back to look at her earnestly. "He will still have my memories...and he will also remember this..."

He crashed his lips into hers forcefully this time...kissing her for all he was worth, holding nothing back and she responded in kind...they both moaned into the others' mouth as tongues twisted together harmoniously...his hand resting on her waist, and the other in her hair, her hands around his neck and mussing his hair, as they pulled back only slightly, only to go back in again...and again...

Too soon...too soon it was over...air was needed, plus another spasm hit the Doctor like a tidal wave, which forced another painful yell out of his lungs. As they regretfully separated at last, Clara noticed that not only were his hands glowing, but his face was too...bathed in an ethereal yellow light that swam across his entire body...making him look almost angelic.

He backed up several steps now, towards the main console, all the while glancing worriedly and mournfully from his glowing hands to her beautiful, yet tearful face.

"You need to go now, Clara! I'm sorry, but you can't stay. You need to go back outside and wait...Hurry! Please...I don't want to hurt you...go...I don't know how much longer I can hold it off...please go, Clara...GO...NOW!"

She didn't need to be told twice. She gave him one last lingering, sad glance, then did as he bade her and ran out into the cold and the snow, then slammed the doors closed, just as she heard what sounded like an explosion from inside the room and the light grew extremely bright, bursting through the windows of the TARDIS...'Just in the nick of time...' she thought dismally.

And just as quickly, the lights went out again...

Clara nervously, anxiously counted the seconds that went by before she deemed it safe for her to go back in again...20 seconds...then 30 seconds...than a whole minute...then 5 minutes...'It's probably fine now...right? I can probably go in now...and really, it doesn't matter anyway...I'm going in.'

She bravely pushed open the doors to the TARDIS once more...not knowing who or what she would find...

And there he was. The Doctor...the new version.

His back was to her, he was leaning against the console, breathing heavily.

He was taller, skinner, and...definitely older...she noticed. The hand that was hovered over the controls...it was...wrinkly...and lined with creases...his hair was short, gray and...curly...

"Doctor...?" she called out to him in a small, shy voice.

No reply.

She took a tentative step further. Tried again. "Doctor? Are you OK?"

Still nothing.

Just the gentle hum & whirring of the TARDIS.

She came up behind him...and very, very slowly reached out to place a hand on his arm... "Say something...please."

Silence once again. But he twitched and flinched when her hand touched him, like it burned his skin. He jumped away from her then, moving away before she got a good look at his face.

"Don't." was all he said. His voice was different. It was a low growl, almost a warning...and it sounded...Scottish? 'Okay...not expecting that...but why is he acting this way?' Why didn't he want her to touch him, to see him? Was he ashamed? Afraid? Maybe he was scared...scared that she wouldn't like him anymore...

"Come on...let me see...I'm not going anywhere, Doctor. I want to see you..." she insisted.

When she still got no reply, she crossed her arms and sat on the pilot chair. "Sooner or later, you're going to have to turn around, so...might as well show me now and get it over with. After all...I'm not done yet. Still plenty of places to see...still lots of exploring to do." She was attempting to lighten the mood a little, just so he would see that she wasn't afraid...that she wouldn't run from him just because he changed.

"Still think you're the boss then?"

Suffice to say, the sound of his new voice surprised her. He was talking to her again. That was...good, wasn't it? Yes. It was good. It was progress. He wasn't ignoring her, at least. She'd take it. Even if the first thing out of his new mouth was less than cordial... 'Okay, that was more than slightly disappointing.' she admitted in her own head. 'Still, must try to keep things cheerful...'

"Uh...yes? You always said I was..." she replied hopefully.

His answer was almost cynical...if not outright sarcastic. "I wouldn't get too used to it, my dear...things have changed, after all..."

With that, he turned around to face her at last. She took in his appearance:

He looked older, like a man in his 60's, maybe...let's see...lots of lines and wrinkles...a pair of the most intense blue eyes she'd ever seen, large fuzzy eyebrows that were quirked up in scrutiny, and the way he crossed his arms, all-business...bit grumpier, then...more like his first incarnation had been...only time would tell, really...

"...and like my past version said, it's time to grow up."

Clara heaved a huge sigh. Whatever she was expecting him to say...well, this wasn't it. She couldn't think of a single response to his cold statement, not now...not after everything they had been through...so she got up to go to her room & left him to dwell in silence...

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**A/N: This did not end how I originally planned. Mostly, the part where 12 showed up...it sort of wrote itself. Not sure if I'm happy with it, though.**

**I honestly don't know if I will like Capaldi's Doctor or not...time will tell, I guess. I hope I do, eventually...either that or I stop watching the show. And even that seems unthinkable, despite Matt leaving. But for right now, I just wanted to give 11 & Clara a nice send-off. They deserve it.**

**Anywho, comments, questions, & reviews are most welcome. Even if all you want to do is tell me how much you will miss Matt...it's all good. :o)**

**P.S.-Sorry if the middle bits regarding the villagers were vague. They were there more out of necessity...so they lack a lot of detail. I just really wanted to get to the last part...didn't want to spend too much time on it.**

**P.P.S.-The woman in the prologue is meant to be mysterious and anonymous. Could have been River, could have been Vastra, she could be an enemy...or really, anyone in the Doctor's future or past...I will never tell. ;o) She is only there to serve as a plot point and as a warning...a warning he did not heed, which proved to be his ultimate downfall.**


End file.
